So, I made goal! March 29, 2012 at the noon meeting, I passed my Weight Watchers goal! I was running late and had to weigh in during the meeting and then sneak in. Jean (our fab leader) knew I was getting close, so she stopped for a second and asked if I made it. The applause and congratulations felt very nice. In 12 or so years of being back and forth on the program, I had never hit my goal. It's a great milestone. But if I'm being honest? It's not really how I pictured it.
I feel wonderful, don't get me wrong. I guess I always viewed goal as an ending. I thought I would be completely satisfied with my body when I got to goal. Again, I'm happy and very proud, but I'm not done. I'm not done and I don't really know when I will be done. I'm not sure what my personal goal number is. I know that I have fat I want to lose and muscle I want to build. I know that I want to be a smaller clothing size. But I also know that I want to be a better athlete, a faster runner, I want to have more endurance and flexibility. I'm trying to shift my goals from a number on the scale or on the tag of my clothing to something more important (like the later goals above). I want to be healthy. I feel so much better than I used to and I want to keep feeling better. I guess I'm learning that I'll never be "done", but it doesn't seem as frustrating as it used to.
I tried to find a "before" picture online, but I'm having some trouble finding one from almost 90lbs ago. I'm sure I have physical pictures somewhere, I'll just have to find and scan. BUT- here are a couple of my most recent "before" and my recent headshot as an after-
|This is from a wonderful trip to Maine in 2010. |
I think this is probably 50-60 lbs or so more than I am right now.
|This is from Halloween 2011 (Joan from Mad Men) 50lbs heavier than now|
|This is my current headshot from a couple of weeks ago. I don't have anything else more recent right now, |
but I think I can see a big difference in my face and
Now... eye patch, you ask? Yes. Eye patch. I've taught and taken many many Zumba classes with no injury to myself or others. Last Friday (the day after I made goal), I subbed a Zumba class at Vavavoom Fitness. It's a bit of a drive for me, so I got there nice and early. I chatted with some new students, said hi to my friend Deena. At 9:30, I introduced myself, started the music, ran to the front of the studio to start... and scratched my cornea with my thumb nail. Yep. There's really no better way to earn the respect of a class than to accidentally gouge your own eye out. I was double over with pain for about 10 seconds and then got it together. I thought "I'm subbing... I can't leave... " I somehow made it through the class with only a few moments of blinding pain.
After the class I wondered if I should get to the eye doctor or maybe the ER? I looked in the mirror and could see a scratch on my eye.... probably not a great sign. I walked outside assuring everyone that I was totally fine and got in my car. So far, so good. I started to drive away wondering where I should go... then realized my eye was not feeling wonderful... so I pulled into the Target parking lot and called Kevin. "So... if I scratched my eye, should I go to the eye doctor or the ER?" So, I went inside of the Target to wait for Kevin to pick me up (since by now I couldn't reeeeeally see) and sat at the Starbucks with an iced coffee. For some reason, every mom that came into Starbucks decided to park their toddlers in shopping carts next to the table I was sitting at. I'm sure that a sweaty girl with one eye swollen shut wincing in pain wasn't scary at all to them. I went and bought some sunglasses, sat back down at Starbucks and called the stage manager (of COURSE I was scheduled for rehearsal that night). Kevin arrived and helped me to the car. I got in, closed my eyes, and didn't really open them about for 26 hours.
Now.... I know no one likes eye pain, but wow I hate it. Me at the eye doctors is like someone trying to put eye drops in a dog's eyes. I just told the doctor "I'm not opening my eye, you're going to have to just do it." We got home and I just laid on the couch. I wasn't hungry, I didn't have to use the bathroom, it was just blinding eye pain. I spent most of the afternoon and night lying on the couch listening to the Food Network with either sunglasses on over closed eyes, or with the comforter over my head. Except for the few times and Kevin had to force antibiotic ointment into my eye.
The doctors and nurses had told me that eye injuries generally heal pretty quickly and I should be feeling better the next day. I woke up Saturday morning to the same pain, more worry. I had to call out of rehearsal again and just kind of lay around with my eyes closed. (this time, I listened to the audio book "Bossy Pants" by Tina Fey. A much better choice.
Kevin got me some gauze and an eye patch to try to keep the bad one closed and help the good one open. It worked! Not too much pain. After an afternoon nap, I woke up feeling like I could open the scratched one. I opened it and felt pretty good. It was a little sensitive to light and got tired easily, so I got to sport my eye patch. I even got to wear it part of the day at rehearsal the next day. Jealous?
It's completely healed now, but I totally flinched at my own hands Monday when I put up my guard in Body Combat.